5 Hacks For Setting And Keeping Healthy Boundaries

As a psychotherapist and confidence coach at Speak Life Transformation, I am often helping my clients process and explore their relationships and how they are impacting their lives. The most common goal they set is, “establishing healthy boundaries.” I am going to share with you top boundary-setting strategies that not only have helped my clients set healthy boundaries, but also keep them.

What Are Healthy Boundaries

I refer to healthy boundaries as “self-love boundaries” because setting boundaries is a form of self-love. When you think about it, setting boundaries is a way to self-advocate for what you need and to say, “this is something that is important to me.” It requires you to put yourself first. Boundaries are limits you set to protect your emotional, spiritual, and physical health. It requires self-awareness because you need to have an understanding of your capacity and when you are at your capacity. And that’s what self-love boundaries do, prevent you from maxing out of your capacity.

Why Is Setting Healthy Boundaries Hard?

Let’s be honest, boundary setting isn’t the easiest thing to do. This is because setting boundaries requires confrontation and most people are uncomfortable with confrontation. People pleasing is the kryptonite for boundary setting. It is very difficult to set and keep a boundary when there is fear of upsetting or disappointing others. People pleasing will cause feelings of guilt, fear of judgment, and create the belief, “putting my needs first is selfish.” All of this will lead to hesitating and avoiding boundary setting. You will find yourself staying in unhealthy situations to meet other people’s needs while yours are being neglected. All of the different emotions and thoughts that come with boundary setting is normal and possible to get through. Keep reading to learn strategies for successfully setting and keeping your self-love boundaries.

How To Set Healthy Boundaries

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

It is important to use assertive communication, stating your boundary unapologetically. This is key because you may receive pushback. Yes, setting the boundary does not mean the person will respect it. This is why being assertive is important. Stand firm in what you are requiring regardless of the feedback. Use clear and concise communication and remember why the boundary is important to you.

Know what you need.

You need to know what is preventing you from experiencing peace and joy. Figure out what is missing in your life. This will help you determine what boundaries you need to set. Remember, a boundary is something that will prevent burnout, emotional distress, and going beyond your limits. Ask yourself, “what is causing me stress?”, “what do I need to feel less stressed?”. These questions will define your “WHY,” “why I am setting this boundary, “why is it important to me”.

Don’t get tricked by gaslighting.

Many times the pushback you receive from others will be in the form of gaslighting (the person will try to make you believe that you are being unreasonable). This can trick you into thinking that you are being selfish and irrational. The truth is, you are being selfish and that’s ok because your needs matter too. Again stay firm and remember why the boundary is important to you so you don’t get tricked.

Follow through on reinforcing your boundaries.

You will experience people ignoring your boundaries or not taking them seriously. Part of self-love is advocating for yourself. When your boundary is ignored, restate it and why it’s important to you. Also, state the consequence if the person chooses to not respect your boundary (make sure it’s one you can follow through on). Lastly, follow through on the consequence no matter how hard it may be to hold the person accountable. Remember, self-love boundaries are all about making your needs and feelings a priority.

Become comfortable with not pleasing everyone.

I often say to my clients, “sometimes you have to make the sacrifice of being uncomfortable to become comfortable.” No one wants to be seen as the “bad guy” by telling someone no, but this worry leads to you saying “yes” when you need to say “no”. Give yourself permission to be ok with not pleasing everyone. Setting boundaries allows you to put your mask on first so you then can help others put on their masks. Remind yourself that you are your best self when you care for yourself.

You now have insider tips that help with confidently and unapologetically setting and keeping healthy boundaries. Here’s a review:

1. Say what you mean, mean what you say

2. Know what you need

3. Don’t get tricked by gaslighting

4. Follow through with re-enforcing your boundaries

5. Become comfortable with not pleasing everyone

What Help With Setting Healthy Boundaries In All Areas Of Your Life?

Speak Life Transformation offers online therapy for those residing in Pennsylvania and New Jersey and online confidence coaching to women world wide. Complete the inquiry form for the service you would like to schedule a free consultation for. You will meet with Natasha to share the type of support you are looking for and to ask any questions. Finally, begin your transformation journey.

Natasha Bryant, LCSW

Natasha is a psychotherapist and confidence coach helping women set self-love boundaries, go after their dream career, and heal from past hurts. That’s what sparks her joy…empowering women to unapologetically live their best life as their best selves.  She owns a private practice in Philadelphia, PA providing online mental health and wellness services. She is an author, self-proclaimed foodie, travel enthusiast, and a down-to-earth "Hope Dealer" who creates a space for clients to own their story and live it out authentically.

Other Mental Health & Wellness Services At Speak Life Transformation

Confidence Coaching and Therapy for women is not the only service we offer. We’re able to offer a wide range of mental health services online anywhere in Pennsylvania and New Jersey and consultation services world wide. Other mental wellness services Speak Life Transformation provides include couples therapy, therapy for anxiety, teen therapy, school-based trauma-informed care, and corporate wellness care. We have black therapists for clients looking for a therapist who is a part of the BIPOC community and also therapists who have a faith-based background for clients looking to incorporate faith-based principles in therapy. All therapy services are currently provided via video Telehealth. Check here for our YouTube channel, and our FAQs, and let’s get started today!